When Planning Fallacy Meets People-Pleasing: Why We Overcommit (Especially During the Holidays)

The dishes are undone, toys are scattered across the floor, and a long list of to-do’s waits to start the day. Your schedule already feels full—yet you’re asked to help with one more project at work, or one more favor from a loved one or friend.

Logically, the answer might be no.

So why is it sometimes not that easy?

The Planning Fallacy: “I Can Fit That In”

The planning fallacy describes our tendency to underestimate how long tasks will take. We misjudge our schedules and hold overly optimistic expectations about what we can realistically accomplish. The result? Unnecessary stress and a persistent feeling of being “behind.”

First identified by psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, the planning fallacy feels especially relevant during the holiday season. Schedules fill quickly, yet we often add one more thing—only to realize it leaves us rushed, depleted, or scrambling elsewhere.

Imagine attending all the holiday parties (a win!), but wrapping gifts exhausted on Christmas Eve (less fun). We tend to believe we can do more than we actually can, overlooking our very human limitations. Even when past experiences have shown us otherwise, we still convince ourselves that this time it will all fit.

Our optimism is future-oriented. The dinner sounds fun. The party feels worth it. But we often forget to look backward—to last year, when attending the same events left us overwhelmed and drained. Optimism can be a beautiful motivator, but without realism, it can quietly lead us into burnout.

People-Pleasing (Sociotropy): “It’s Easier to Say Yes”

The planning fallacy isn’t the only force at play. Sociotropy—a preoccupation with pleasing others and preserving social harmony—also nudges us toward yes.

Sometimes, saying yes feels easier than saying no. We may fear disappointing others, creating conflict, or being seen as selfish. Even when a request costs us peace or energy, that fear can override our internal signals—turning what wants to be a no into a yes.

Over time, a series of reluctant yeses can lead to overwhelm, anxiety, and strained relationships. Overcommitment always comes with a cost. When we prioritize avoiding conflict with others, we often create conflict within ourselves.

So What Can We Do This Season?

Pause.

An immediate yes is often driven by optimism or fear rather than logic. Pausing—even briefly—allows you to check in:

• Does this fit my current capacity?

• Am I saying yes to avoid disappointment or conflict?

• Is this a true yes?

Think forward—and backward.

Remember the last time you tried to grocery shop, complete four work tasks, and visit family all in one day. Did it feel grounded—or frantic? While an invitation may sound appealing, let past experience guide what is realistically sustainable.

Notice other people’s no.

Throughout the day, you likely encounter many no’s:

• A friend can’t meet for two weeks.

• A coworker is off for the holidays.

• The babysitter isn’t available until after five.

Life is full of no’s—and it keeps moving. No is not a dangerous word; it’s an essential boundary.

Remember: every yes includes a no.

Saying yes to one thing always means saying no to something else. Saying yes to staying late at work may mean saying no to dinner with family. Saying yes to a weekend getaway may mean saying no to another event that same weekend. Our lives are always shaped by a balance of yeses and noes.

Practice grace with yourself.

Sometimes we will overcommit. Sometimes we will feel rushed. That doesn’t mean we’ve failed—it means we’re human. Instead of striving for perfect balance, aim for awareness, flexibility, and compassion. Enjoy the process, not the pressure of getting it all right.